Why does it always have to be about race?

Remember that huge snow storm back in ’92? And all you suckers were too pussy to go out in the snow and trick or treat? Well, I got all your candy, but that’s beside the point. That was back in the day when Halloween was an innocent day of excitement for me. I was allowed to dress up AND take candy from strangers. One year I was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and my sister was Glinda the Good Witch, we were fucking adorable.

This year my options are considerably less adorable…I could be a “Mile High Captain”, “Heaven’s Hottie Angel” or “Officer Pat U Down”. Who comes up with this shit? Clever bastards! Well, I’m a party pooper and I much rather hand out candy to adorable children than go to a bar and watch some scantily clad sorority girl hopped up on diet pills spill miller lite on herself. Yeah, we’ve all seen it…

Anyway, on to the race thing…First of all, can’t we all agree that Halloween is a day to dress up as something different, crazy or exaggerated? If you answered no, leave. Second, shouldn’t Halloween be harmless fun for children and drunkin’ frat boys alike? Yes, it should! So why can’t I dress like Pocahontas, a geisha, a gipsy, or wear a fake afro without someone getting on my ass about it?!?! To all you hypersensitive boys and girls out there, stop trying to kill fun.

As an Oriental, I officially give everyone permission to dress as a samurai, a Saigon whore, a person that’s good at math, an import model, Short Round, Margaret Cho, Yoko Ono, Kim Jong-il, Bruce Lee, Hello Kitty…It’s all good bitches, as long as it’s all in the name of fun. Oh, but no Anime costumes, you assholes are stupid.

The bottom line is there is no reason to get so worked up over stereotypes especially during Halloween. Most people are not trying to be malicious or racist, more commonly they are just ignorant. And hey, if you can’t laugh at yourself, then who can you laugh at? Thanks Tiger Woods, you’re so smart! It’s probably because you’re part Chinese…

Oh, and seriously, stop calling us Oriental, we hate that…

I’m not going to name names or point fingers…

No, I’m a bigger person than that.

A little over a year ago I made a horrible life choice. I took at job at…well, I’m not going to tell you, no naming names, remember? Needless to say it is and always will be the biggest regret of my life. Now I’m stuck between a rock and a fat bastard in a suit and I have no one to point the finger at except myself. I’ve become a little too accustom to bi-weekly pay periods, health care and benefits to leave anytime soon and I hate myself for it.

But really why am I so upset? I got myself into this mess! And really shouldn’t I just be happy to HAVE A JOB? Yes, in theory, but just because I’m thankful for my job doesn’t mean I have to like it, and I’ve really gotten away from whom I’m not going to point the finger at.

I went into the ladies restroom today and there was a bright pink flier on the inside of the stall that read…“women unite! and flush til it's bright”. Last time I checked I was the youngest woman in this office, besides my sister and the secretary, and unless some of the women here are so old to the point where they are incontinent then we shouldn’t need a reminder to flush the fucking toilets! And yes I meant incontinent, not incompetent. Apparently it’s been happening for years, and thus I point the finger at all the women who have been working here for years...poor bastards.

Minnesota, are we really that nice? Really?

And I quote from Wikipedia…

“Minnesota nice is the stereotypical behavior of Minnesota residents described as hospitality and courtesy to others. The term is also sometimes used in a derogatory way, to connote a sort of smiling stubbornness, forced politeness, false humility or passive aggressive hostility.”

Passive aggressive hostility…yeah, that’s about right. I tried to read a little Garrison Keillor to get a handle on what Minnesota is all about but I went into a coma two sentences into A Prairie Home Companion’s “Wobegonics” skit. And by coma I mean I held my breath until I passed out to avoid reading anymore…

Excerpt: “Okay, all outta dumpcake, but we've got red jello and banana here. You care for that?”

What the fark is dumpcake?

Ok, so maybe I’m not the best person to ask about being “Minnesotan”. Although my parents are Scandinavian, I am of Oriental decent, but I’ve lived in Minnesota my whole life and I love it. I use phrases like “you bet” and “that’s different”, I can eat my weight in hotdish and I constantly bitch about my car and its lack of starting in the winter. I am 100% MINI-SO-TAN!

Oh, and don’t call us Oriental, we hate that…