To the dumb bitch that hit my car

Ok, so first of all, it wasn’t my car. Second of all, I do not know said “bitch”. But what I do know is that she hit DS’ car and I, as the rude irrational asshole of the relationship, have the duty (and pleasure) to complain, get pissed and threaten people who fuck with my shit.

Dear Bitch:

I am going to run you over with my car. When you regain coconsciousness I’m going to tell you “well, I honked my horn”. And then I’m going to tell everyone else you came running towards the hood of my car so it’s really your fault you got hit. You’re lucky you hit someone as nice as DS because if it was me, you would have gotten either the hospital or the grave yard…catfish?

Ok, you got me! I’m really not the threatening type, more of the empty threatening type. And I could go on and on about how much I hate the drivers in Minnesota, but here’s what bugs me the worst. PEOPLE WHO DON’T TAKE RESPONSIBLITTY FOR THEIR MISTAKES! Fuck, everyone makes mistakes. People make the mistake of fucking with my shit all the time! But if you can apologize and admit you were wrong, no harm, no foul. People who try to hide their mistakes or make other people take responsibility because they feel guilty or stupid are the lowest kind of people. That includes you, woman in minivan who hit DS’ new car.

So, when you leave work today, don’t assume I have anything to do with your van being on fire. No need to apologize, everyone makes mistakes.