15.12.08

You can’t tell, but I’m flicking you off through my mitten…

What is the worst thing about Minnesota? Is it our stupid accents, the bitter weather, our fake Minnesota nice? NO! It’s the drivers! Minnesota has some of the worst drivers you’ll find in the United States. They read, eat, talk, text, put makeup on, brush their teeth, all while driving. But wait, add the elements, snow, rain, clouds, whatever and instantly all Minnesotans forget how to drive. My usual 20 minute commute turns into 3 hours of excruciating hell thanks to you douche bags. So let’s go over the rules, shall we?

RULE 1: It’s the one on the right grandma!

RULE 2: Get the fuck out of the left hand lane if you insist on going 20 mph.

RULE 3: Turn signals are there for a reason, USE THEM!

RULE 4: Just because you have your turn signal on, does not mean I’m going to let you in, turn your head moron.

RULE 5: If you didn’t have enough time to look in the fucking mirror at home, nothing you do in the car is going to save you. I hope you stab yourself in the eye with you mascara.

RULE 6: Put down the Big Mac McFatty. Maybe that’s why you’re McMorbidly obese.

RULE 7: Suburban soccer moms, Somali taxi drivers, all people under the age of 21 and everyone in the city of Edina should probably just stay off the roads all together.

RULE 8: If you have an animal sitting in your lap while driving, I will attempt to run you off the road.

RULE 9:
If you use sign language, you are forbidden to hold a conversation with the driver. Deal with it.

RULE 10: Stop judging me, we’re all thinking the same thing.

1 comment:

  1. You're asian, how do you know what a turn signal is? hehe...love you sis!

    ReplyDelete